Five ways for chefs to annoy Tom Colicchio
Top Chef's elder statesman has some very specific pet peeves
Tom Colicchio’s Disappointed Dad is one of Top Chef’s most potent life forces. It’s a different mien than Padma Lakshmi’s “opaque ice queen,” less forgiving than Gail Simmons’ “earnest food critic,” and more visceral than Kristen Kish’s “savvy retired player.”
The question is posed to the table. “What did we think of Sam’s deconstructed moussaka?” Judges and guests toss out courteous and measured impressions while Tom glowers with incredulity. Finally, he cuts through the pleasantries. “It’s a goulash, not a moussaka.”
With that declarative bomb, the verdict has been rendered: The dish was a failure.
Here are five ways Top Chef contestants summon the annoyance of Tom Colicchio at the Judges table.
Don’t screw up the protein
Call this the Colicchio Cardinal Sin. Overcooked beef, undercooked chicken, hammered fish, over-rested meat, under-rested meat, chewy meat, unevenly fired meat will get you a flogging at Judges Table, witness Kiki’s nearly-raw chicken in Season 18, or the villainous Heather’s disastrous beef stroganoff in Season 9 (“It’s bigfoot,” said Patti LaBelle).
Colicchio clearly regards the integrity of the protein to be the foundation of any well-prepared plate -- it’s 80% of your grade. It’s the culinary equivalent of the famous Pat Riley axiom, “Keep the main thing the main thing.” It’s also the one task that a chef just can’t fake, one reason why Colicchio chose a simple roasted chicken as his opening elimination challenge this season. No matter how appealing the accompaniments, sides or sauces, he simply can’t respect a chef who doesn’t respect their protein.
Don’t do a duo (or a trio)